Emptiness, loneliness, craziness, emo'ness, stupidness, no idea'ness

Today. Mood was like crap from yesterday? Idk.. F&n practical yesterday. Thought that will have not enough time and will fail but I was wrong was kinda in time and the most fail dish was the prawn egg roll.. Nvm anyways. I knew I tried, no regrets. Boh fail because of having the wrong fish, teacher dint get what she wanted . She's upset. Idk what to do. After washing up and all went home. Feeling the loneliness.. Hah. Hate that. Was tired, homed, eat, then nap then bath then phone then sleep. Well today first few lesson was in a bad mood.  Being my brain says I'm lonely unwanted. Haha. :] Jess ask me sit with her for mtl but I ignored. Thought wanted to be alone. Then after mtl boh boh take my bag out behind her table. Was going through reading and stuff for el. Recess,Then chem sit with bohboh. Cheered up. :]  Cw and sc have their exam. The rest had oral. Mmm, I think it was Soso? I'd be a Like too nervous. After when find boh,chew,loi,lo they all. Went to kitchen. Some help the people cooking. But kinda got irritated some other people crowd around the place when people trys to wash up and stuff. Don't know what happy to bohboh. She angry. I saysay only then scold me almost had a argument. Tell me don't ask her why. If I don't ask means I don't even care. What for I care? Yeah for what? I don't know I just care... Stupid? My fault? *sigh* was a kinda angry because she scold me. Hate it when she does that.. Then it upsets me... Make me feel so sad,useless,unwanted. Fuck my thinking. That stupid thinking that hurt my hearts came back for it food.. Cried.. I cried. This is tiring.. I want a peaceful frienship, I kept quiet even if I feel lonely. I act like nothing is wrong the truth is? I can't be alone at all.. ESP when there's actually friends around. My brain goes like a devil hurting my heart. Oh well. After I cried was angry. Wondering why the hell she like that. But when I think all that, I know I still care for her. saying like I don't but I do like hell lot. First. I really want to be there for those friends I loved, really.. Bur they dont allow me. In fact, chase me away. What am I to them? I always ask this question to myself.. But can't find any answers..